Yeah, I know, every year for the first day of school, we all get butterflies in our tummies, but those are quickly shooed away because I am just a few steps away from them. They know if they forget something, or just need a pat of reassurance, I will be there for them. Maybe it isn't so much for them as it is for me. This year will be the first year I am not teaching, so this is the first first day I have had to drop them off and leave. Such a strange feeling. Add on top of that they are starting a new school, and it was a difficult morning for all of us. Since I am not teaching, it made sense to put them in the elementary school across the street from the high school where my hubby teaches. Easier for him to take them or drop them off. Plus their old elementary school does not feed into the middle school where our children will attend because they will attend the middle school that feeds into my hubby's high school. Better to make new friends in elementary school than in middle school. We have it all mapped out...so far :)
Where Have I Been?One year ago today we didn't have this mapped out, though. I was teaching in the same elementary school as my children and thought I always would be until they went off to middle school, and then my hubby and I joked that I would move up to middle school with them. But then I ruptured a disc in my lower back and missed the last 2 months of school. I finally had surgery on June 11, and I actually started to feel like my old self about 2 weeks ago. After much discussion with my hubby back in May, we decided I would take this year off and focus on getting my back stronger and just being a mom to my 3 amazingly, beautiful children who have had to take a backseat at times to the students in my classroom. Now I only have 3 kids to worry about. MINE. I can't express the happiness I feel when I say that out loud. But, at the same time, I also feel sad that I can't be at school with them all day long. I didn't realize how just seeing a glimpse of them in the hallway, in their classroom, at lunch, or at recess playing with their friends made me happy. And it made them happy to see me smiling at them. I know they will survive without me being at school. I know I will survive without me being at school. But I still feel a little sad. In the past, after school was over I could only think about how far away bedtime was so I could get everyone tucked in so I could finally have a break. I ALWAYS felt guilty about that. When they didn't feel well at night (or, gasp, in the morning) my mind was always preoccupied with having to write sub plans, calling in for a sub, stressing over WORK instead of helping my own child feel better. Or I would try to squeak out them going to school in hopes that once they got up and moving they would be OK and make it through the day. No longer will I have to do that.
Now I understand how moms can't wait to pick up their kids from school to see how they day was and to spend QUALITY time with them every afternoon and evening. I am no longer going to want bedtime to hurry up and get here, because I will have the energy for my own children. It took me a while to realize that I was a better teacher to my students than a mom to my own kids. And when I finally did realize that, it stung. Not just a little, but a LOT. But I am glad I realized it now while I still have many, many years left with them until they graduate high school.
Where Am I Headed?Why the long diatribe about this? Well, because 10 months ago when I started this blog, my purpose was to blog about my teaching adventures. Flash forward 10 months and I am no longer teaching. Notice I didn't say I am no longer an educator because I will always be an educator. But what I do during the day has changed. My focus has shifted and my priorities have been rearranged. And I L.O.V.E. that. I also need my blog to change, shift, and be rearranged. I am currently working with Honey Bunches Design to give my blog a makeover so that it will reflect who I am today and not 10 months ago. I may very well be in a different place 10 months from now, so I want to make sure my new blog design and blog name can adapt and evolve with me (don't worry, the web address will remain the same). I am very excited to share the makeover with all of you, and I don't know quite when it will be ready, but I will be sure to let you all know of when it happens.
What will my "new" blog be about? Well, in a nutshell, my life. The long version: My life as a work-at-home mom, wife, and someone who has a journey put in front of her but isn't sure which direction it is going to take. A little scary, yes. A lot of excitement, YES! Just the opportunity I had last week (being an extra on a movie set, yeah!), I never would have had if I had continued to teach. I have always lived my life in the "safe" zone. Boring, yes, but it has gotten me to where I am today so I can't complain. But, at the same time, I have lived with regrets of wishing I had had the courage or strength to do something totally new or take a risk (even though I know one different choice would have changed where I am today and who I am today, so I am glad I made the choices I have made). But, now, at 34, I finally feel comfortable enough in my own skin to do this, and I couldn't be more excited. To those of you who began following my blog because of the educational aspect, I do hope you all will continue with me on my journey because there will be some educational topics (I am going to begin submitting proposals to present at SDE conferences and I do plan on having my children complete some fun projects to help their learning), but there will just be a whole lot more variety because there is more to life.
Thanks for listening! Feel free to share any of your thoughts and comments below. I love my visitors!
**Please excuse any typos as I don't have the super power of being perfect :)